Now that you’ve admitted you’re a gigantic pussy who wants to get better (see that other post about self-improvement), it’s time to address something that probably unites all of us: delicious fear.


A great deal has been written on this topic, but it only begins to hold relevance to us once we can recognize that we are afraid. I’m not talking about the highly normal shaking-in-your-boots-and-pissing-your-pants kind of fear you experience when someone holds a gun to your head. That’s perfectly natural.

“Does red carpet do this to anyone else?”

It’s more the kind of fear that causes us to procrastinate. The kind of fear that causes us to stay in our comfortable ruts. The kind of fear that stops us from trying a new hobbie, asking our crush out on a date, letting your spouse know that the goddamn spatulas DON’T GO THERE, or even making little changes that will inevitably make life better, yet you remain on your ass doing nothing about this.

Yes, it DOES matter where the spatulas go…

The funny thing, for me, is that I preach to my students about fear all of the time. “Don’t let your fears control your life,” “Don’t let your fears stop you from achieving everything you want to achieve,” “Don’t let your fears freeze you into inaction, taking away the precious few moments you have to make a difference with the situation you find yourself in.” Most of the time, this is referring to spending a couple of hours finishing or redoing old assignments. However, for most of us, that kind of shit is in the past.

Today’s message: STAHP! For Fuck’s (yes, capitalized) sake, DO SOMETHING! What would Shia LeBeouf say about you right now? JUST DO IT! Fear is real, fear is rational, fear is a coping mechanism, and many other sentiments justifying your fear. However, like my self-improvement post, now that you have recognized the issue, move that ass and do something. There are a number of mantras you can repeat to yourself, litanies also, and even some limericks… I think. Tell yourself whatever you need to, such as:

-Fear is the mind-killer

-There is nothing to fear but fear itself

-I am one with the force; the force is with me

-Oh, fuck, deadline’s tomorrow!


Brass tax: life is too goddamn short to act like such a pussy. I love you. Your mother loves you. Even God loves you, despite all of the horrible shit he or she or it or they have seen you doing in your most private, darkest hours.

Now do something about your situation. Get the fucking degree. Go to night school. Have the other child. Turn in the late assignment. Apologize to your wife or child. Make shit right.

I guarantee that it won’t be better later.

Peace, bitches.

Say what you will about the ACA, this dude is a class act.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s